I know, how can someone so cute BLW..
It almost breaks my heart.
It’s been an eventful weekend in the world of weaning.
Yesterday morning, I got up at 0545. I was a little pissed off because Bolle is meant to wait until 0700 for her KidSleep to show it’s time for her and the boob to wake up.
However, her dad is in a coma at that hour of the day even when he is supposedly awake (the zombie description does come to mind) and he hadn’t realised it was before time when she woke him, and so he woke me.
And when you’ve told Bolle boob is coming «now», she is a bit unreceptive to subsequent explanations that «now» actually meant «in 1 hr 15 min».
So I fed her, her little head snuggling into me, I like kissing her head while we’re both half asleep, she is tugging at my necklace, a heart pendant I was given by her daddy when I had her, happily blissful about the fact it’s so pricey I’d probably have to sell her if she broke it. Have I been considering forcibly weaning her lately? Surely not. This is too cosy, even at such ungodly hours of the morning.
I put Bolle back to bed with her cuddly bunny, then went to pee, then remembered the Guild Master had asked me to do so on a stick because he thinks I’ve not had a period for ages, went down to get the stick, and… voila. We are not alone anymore. Inside, there’s a little pea. Or perhaps even kidney bean. I must be about 6-7 weeks gone I think.
Naturally, I couldn’t go back to sleep.
The tell-tale signs have all been there: Weird lower abdomen soreness, even weirder boobs, swingy moods, and for the three days leading up to the test, increasing amounts of nausea, especially in the evening (just like last time).
So the issue was, how do we break this to Bolle? I’ve always made it clear I did not want to tandem feed. I was incredibly nauseous last time I was pregnant, and my body needs every ounce of energy to get through those first 15 weeks. On the other hand, it’s not very nice to be told that «there’s a baby in here and it stole your milk» (which is what she would hear regardless of the actual wording, were we to tell her that she is being weaned due to pregnancy).
To be honest, I always thought she would wean herself before this even became an issue. My friends have all told me how their kids «self weaned» at 6, 8, 10, 15 months. But they were all spoon fed to some extent or other. Of course I’ve turned a blind eye to the true baby led weaners whose kids are still happily sipping away at the boob at 3 years of age.
So we haven’t told Bolle about the bean yet, trying to figure out how to stop the breastfeeding first.
She doesn’t feed often anymore. She likes to have a small sip before bedtime, and then a bigger one first thing in the morning as a sort of starter for breakfast.
Then, this morning, she sipped off my right boob as usual, then suddenly said «eurrgh», and wiped her tongue with her hand. She then said it tasted funny, and demanded the other boob, which apparently tasted normal and nice, meaning it can’t be just pregnancy hormones flavoring the milk.
Now, the right boob has had a problem of late (thinking back, probably starting about the same time as the pregnancy.. whaddayaknow). Every time I feed, I have a burning, painful sensation coming from the nipple for about an hour afterwards. Oddly it doesn’t start until about 20 min after the feed itself. If she was an infant, I’d think it was thrush, but that just seems too ridiculous with a 2.5 year old toddler who feeds twice a day.
Today was worse, though. The stinging was so bad I couldn’t go back to sleep even if it was my turn to sleep in. I got up with Bolle and GM, had some paracetamol and put some ointment on the nipple and Bolle was very concerned. I told her the boob was in pain and probably a bit ill. She patted it lovingly. Over the day it has got better, but the nipple is still a bit tender. I was to-ing and fro-ing whether to offer it to her this evening or not, as the thought of another three hours in pain was not too inviting.
Then, as we were going to bed, she pointed at her own crib, not at the big bed. «Go to bed now,» she said. «Booby sick.»
And just like that, she went to bed with her bunny and the usual singing.
I remember reading that you never know which feed will be the last one.
Perhaps she will wake at 0659 tomorrow as usual and demand her milk.
But maybe she’s actually baby led weaned herself.