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Medieval changing rooms :: The Tower of London, UK

Do not allow child to escape stench/
Tower by way of climbing down from table.

The online official guide to the Tower of London recommends spending at least three hours to look around while visiting.

As a parent, this means in practise that the little one will have ample time to fill a diaper while there, so the need for a changing room is clear.

After a nice boob snack in the cafeteria, Bolle decided it was time to pay her dues.

We used the changing facility nearest to the New Armouries Restaurant, located by the Salt Tower, or 29 on the online map. There is another facility located near the royal beasts, but we never made it that far.

There were no nursing facilities, but you really wouldn’t want to nurse in there anyway. It was one of those public toilets the stench of which leave you wanting to take a shower in chlorine and you still would feel like scrubbing for a day or two afterwards.

Actually, it even fails as a disabled toilet, as there are no rails
next to the loo.  But in the olden days they killed
their cripples anyhoo, right..?

It is possible that they were trying to recreate what changing diapers felt like in medieval London, in which case I’m guessing they have done quite well, odor wise. I would describe the smell as similar to that of a male «pissoir» in a downmarket night club around 0348 on a Sunday morning. Don’t ask how I know that.

The changing table flips down quite easily and there is a sizeable hook on the door for hanging your nappy sack on, which is good, because God knows I wouldn’t want Petunia Pickle Bottom anywhere near that floor.

Going, going…

They provide no changing sheets, and the only paper is loo roll and hand towels from the wall opposite the changing table. The table is plastic, has no cushion and the belt with which one is meant to strap in flailing child is broken. There is one bin for diapers, and judging from the smell it is not emptied very often. Fail, fail, fail.

Weirdly, you have to get the key from a sentinel booth around the corner to use this lovely facility. It is located right next to the gents, with the ladies toilet situated through an archway a minute away, which means that lots of ladies are milling around trying the locked door and looking confused (I am guessing these are tourists whom do not understand the sign on the door, stating in English that a key must be borrowed from the warden).

Worst of all is the fact that this is also the disabled toilet. I could, in theory and weather permitting, chose to change Bolle on the green outside the restaurant. If you are in a wheelchair, however, you are forced to use these facilities, knowing right well you have paid almost £20 for the pleasure. That, I would imagine to be rather infuriating.


Only for the desperate.
Changing facilities: Near fail.  It only passes for actually having a changing table.  Basically this is an unwashed handicap toilet trying to pass itself off as a baby changing facility.

She has broken out of the strait jacket.  No,
it was like that when we got there.  Honest.

Breast feeding facilities: None, and you wouldn’t want any in there.

Parent peeing facilities: Yes.  Though I only recommend using if you are either male or a female capable of the «hovering pub piss».

Best feature: The bag hook on the corner of the flip-down table. The amusing warning illustration not to let your child dangle from the table in an attempt to escape the stench.

Worst feature: Everything else, especially the thought that we paid almost £40 to use it, and the broken security strap.

Would I use again? Not unless I was made a prisoner at the Tower.

Bolle says: «So this is how they did it in the olden days.»

Bolle wears: Jacket by Benetton, socks by Lindex, bodysuit and trousers borrowed.